#feelthefearanddoitanyway

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N E V E R • L E T • I T
i’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life - and i’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing i wanted to do • georgia o’keeffe 🌸🌙
{artwork by :: @corbettjulia}

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Mum and dad said that we were having a 'light' Sunday roast tonight after being out all day, however, when they were prepping it they realised that we had no veg 🙈 so yeah, it's a pretty make do tea 😂 I had chicken, mashed potato, a couple of small roast potatoes (!!) and lots of sweetcorn 🌽 I will admit, eating hasn't been great, but I'm going to fight back hard with night snack in a bit and then tomorrow is a new day to fight 👊🏻 #make2018shine #recoveryisworthit #feelthefearanddoitanyway #anorexianervosa #bodydismorphicdisorder #anarecovery #iammenotmyed #edrecovery #iamawarrior #kickinganasass #edwarrior #beatana #iamblossoming #iamstrong #healthynotskinny #balancednotclean #strongnotskinny #fitnotfat #nourishmentnotnumbers #bethebiggerbully #foodisfuel #iammorethananumber #iwillbeatthis💪#foodismymedicine #fightananotthetreatment #foodshouldnotbefeared #foodisnourishment  #sparklyunicornsforlife🦄

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There will be people who judge, there will be people who hate -that’s exactly why you got to learn to love yourself. You’ll do your thing -in everything. When it comes to eating, ethics, schools, jobs, relationships or just styles. You do you boo. You embrace the craziness and imperfections. You go and love yourself. Example i’ve learnt that my diet doesn’t define me, i’m the same Bee that i was as a vegan. I’m now just a little happier and living a little more. I feel like i a lot of vegans and strict vegetarians feels the desire to tell me what to do and judge me, however this is me doing my thing, this works for me and you know what? I’m happy about it. It’s not like i need to justify this to anyone, just wanted to say, that i’ll never be a vegan again. It took more than gave, my mind is sick and i’m aware of it very well, at least most of the time. I’m bad at making decisions and being under pressure. I want to believe i went vegan also because of the right reasons, but when i look it more deeply, i know that disordered me made the decision -it was mostly because of anorexia, because of all the denying and restricting etc. I’m sorry to say this, but that’s what it mostly was for me. My mind manipulated me to once again go to an extreme -at some point i came so all about being the perfect vegan i would refuse to go to sit on a letter bench, i would be paranoid and scared and my whole life went round veganism. I all the time was googling and searching stuff about veganism, obsessing over everything -and the minute i knew, it became purely an obsession, maybe even a way to torture myself. Because i feel like i’m worthless, undeserving. Sure, as i have said, it’s a good thing -but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s an extreme. At some point i would be so brain washed by my OWN mind, i would consider raw veganism and changing all my clothes to the ethical ones. I would do my everything and anything. For me? It gave none good. Do your thing. I so long wanted to deny it, but yes, it was a HUGE thing for this relapse. I’m glad i was forced to stop. It’s hard to live with a sick mind, i’m glad i’ve people who cares even tho i can be such a twat to them.

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Coming right out of the gate with fear today... Did you know that you are born with only two fears?
That's the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises.
So where do the rest come in?
And how does it affect the rest of our lives?
More importantly... How can we honour it AND not let it run our world?
Join me on the Caduceus Inclined Life Philosophy page this week as I discuss the purpose of fear and where it might be holding us back...on an individual and collective level.
You'll learn things to keep in mind during your fearful moments and how to keep moving forward in spite of it with a healthy mind frame!
#fear #nofear #feelthefearanddoitanyway #medicinehat #caduceusinclined #live #bestrong #courage #couragedearheart #selfmastery #emotionalmastery

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Happy Sunday! Let's play a get-to-know-you game. Tell me about something in your life that made you feel brave and powerful. For me, I've never felt stronger than when I gave birth naturally to my three children. In this photo, I'm sitting in the Wasatch Midwifery and Wellness clinic, home of the fantastic midwife @adrienne.c.brown, who delivered both my girls (both water births). She believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. The absolute high that rushed over me after these births was incredible. I was known since childhood as being a wimp and a hypochondriac, so I didn't even consider natural childbirth at all until one day, about 3 months pregnant with my oldest, I had the thought, "what if...." What if I could do something that scared the living daylights out of me? A choice I felt was right for me and for my baby, but still terrified me? That grew into a fury of research and determination and led to the greatest moments of my life. I've come to never underestimate the power of a "what if."

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I was out walking earlier on, and got chatting to a man who had been at my local pub on the night I faced my fears and lived out one of my lifelong dreams, singing with a full band behind me. He confirmed my suspicion that my singing had been less than delightful, but was full of admiration for me doing it, going to a pub alone, and standing on a stage and singing despite my obvious fear of what I was going. I explained that I had done it as part of a #fearbusting challenge I set myself and, in talking to him, remembered what an amazing few weeks that had been.
I stopped when one of the scariest things I tried didn’t quite go to plan, and it hurt my pride somewhat. I got put off trying scary things for a while. Ultimately though, it didn’t matter that I didn’t get the result I wanted, what mattered was that I became a woman who could do something I had never thought possible.

Since then, I know I have been hiding, and definitely not stepping out of my fears a great deal. As a result, I feel that my life is stagnating somewhat. So I have decided to resurrect the challenge, and I am inviting you to join me in my new #marchthroughfear challenge.

Imagine what your life could look like by April if every day through March, you did something that scares you, something you really want to do, but you let fear talk you out of every time you think about it.
Every day, one thing that scares you, one thing you really want to do but fear stops you.

You might not always get the results you want, but you will learn a hell of a lot, and grow hugely, as a result!

Who’ll join me? Share an image or a post here to share what you do to #marchthroughfear and see what life gives you as a reward!

#fear #comfortzone #feelthefearanddoitanyway #growth #getscared #feelthefear #bethewarrior #warriorwoman #stepintoyourpower #beamazing #letsdothis

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If I’m being honest the past month has been the toughest (mentally) I’ve encountered during this prep. I somehow let the doubts creep in a little a more each day until they became all I think. Yesterday, I thought about quitting for good....”Between working two jobs and getting little to no sleep I’m exhausted and I can’t do this anymore.” I thought of every excuse to tell myself that it’s ok to “take a break”, it’s ok to quit because you are overwhelmed. Nothing made sense, not one excuse was good enough to let this go. So I sat alone in my room and went back to square one. I thought about where i started. I was depressed, overweight, out of shape, insecure and in denial of it all. The first three weeks of starting my prep I wanted to puke after every single workout bc I had let myself get so out of shape. I worked through it, i worked my ass off and shed 20+ lbs in 8 weeks. I became an athlete again, mind and body connected. I listened to motivational speeches everyday, about people overcoming adversities far greater than mine. I learned to train my brain while training my body. I gained control over my mind and in a few weeks it was all gone. All because I listened to the wrong voice. Literally minutes before saying “fuck it I’m done” one of the videos i used to watch popped up and it all re clicked. It reminded me what a blessing and a privilege it really is to be able to live out my dreams, to go hard everyday because I have an able body, to wake up every morning, to inspire others to do the same. I cant quit, not now not ever. It’s just not in me. If everyday from here on is a struggle than so be it. I know the pain of quitting and letting others down will out weigh any pain i endure these few weeks. Life put me on this journey for a reason. I think it’s time to bloom #feelthefearanddoitanyway

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Happy birthday to this perfect human, my pisces/soulmate♓️ I hope your 23rd year is just as effortlessly candid and majestic as this photo of you🖤 #LYLAS5ever #eventhoughyoucantseemtofinishtvd #forgiveness #friendship #feelthefearanddoitanyway

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Sundays, a day of rest. I think it is super duper important to create a space where you can conduct self-care task. What do I mean by this? Create a place where you can go to, to get away from the noise, meditate, work on your mindset or find serenity. By doing this you are training your mind to relax and release all the good hormones. Please, you are mentally getting ready for the week ahead. Let's do this. .
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. #toptiptuesday #toptip #tuesdaytips #busywomen #busymoms#focused #focused #productivity #coachinglife #focus #makeithappen #workwithme #homebiz #onlinecoach #mumblogger #momlife #feelthefearanddoitanyway #growyourbusiness #confidenceiskey #mindset #thinkrickgrowrich #lifecoach #womeninbusiness #femaleentrepreneur #businesscoach #successmindset #personaldevelopment #womensupportingwomen #womeninbiz #goals

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Just had the best snack I’ve had in a long time! I finally plucked up the courage to buy a multipack of these little gingerbread men the other day after (not even joking) eying them up for about four years, and in that time picking them up and putting them down probably about 20 times if not more. They were never ‘right’ as one packet would be too low for my snack but having two would mean pushing portions fears, but I’ve wanted to so why shouldn’t I? I saw @recovery_daughter have two ages ago and have wanted to since - it only stands to reason that if you have wanted to do something to at least try it and give it a go! Recovery means pushing your boundaries and equally importantly listening to you too so if that means something is lower (as a lot of things I want to try are!) to make it a reasonable amount even if means (which it probably will) pushing some sort of boundary that is been arbitrarily set. So here are (or were) 18 little gingerbread men which accompanied a milky tea (I have decided I like it milked than I’ve convinced myself for so long!) and was cleared in about 9 minutes flat after thinking it would take me hours🙈I’m really glad I had these as I could feel them becoming ‘hoarded and avoided’ and they made a great snack. Highest snack at home in a while but I’m not listening to the fears and instead focusing on the fact that I would have loved to have partook in the walk my parents have gone on today but I put my recovery first and made sure I complete all of my meals and rest my body👍🏻 (and light my new bargain ‘warm winter hug’ candle with Marty cuddles!)
Also just want to say thank you for the overwhelming support on my last post, you are all too kind. Take care of yourselves and enjoy your Sundays xx
Oh and I also wrote another blog post this afternoon too if anybody is interested! 🌼

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This shit is not easy though... You gotta push through the fear.🙌🙏👌💯
#notetoself #quote #lifeisshort #noregrets #feelthefearanddoitanyway

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Hi loves, I just wanted to post (as it feels like ages!) and let you know that things are ok, in fact, I feel great. You might have noticed that I got rid of nearly all of my posts and the reason being that I just didn’t want to see them any more as a lot has been littered with struggles/restriction which is not helpful to look back on. On Friday I basically had a realisation that made me finally feel done with anorexia. I’ve always tried to be like someone else, or worse just do what anorexia wants not what I truly want. And I am done, not even fed up with anorexia, just that I am done with it all together.
I didn’t want to post in case it was too early and I just did it for one meal and then fell back but I’ve kept on. This was the meal where it started. I’d sat in my room crying in the dark all afternoon when a few things ticked me over the edge, I journaled and it just hammered a few things home. So I went downstairs, fed the moggies, put the scales away in the cupboard out of easy reach (with the ones mum uses for cooking) and I made my first meal unweighed and not messed about with and since then the only thing I have weighed out has been couscous and veg which I feel is ok as I do struggle with veg portions but I didn’t faff. I was unsupervised so no ‘reassurance’ from anybody it all just came from me, and I put just as much flora as I want on not the measly little weighed out scraping like usual and it tasted brilliant. I just did it because I am sick of it. It is wonderful and freeing (lunch just took me 10 minutes to prepare when usually it can take me 3 times that!) but I won’t flower it up and say it’s been anxiety free, it’s taken a LOT of trust in myself but that’s what’s needed because I am honestly done with that gremlin screaming in my head and kicking my body about. I figured that I haven’t ever felt this rubbish physically which affects me mentally, so I might as well give it a good bash and if it doesn’t work then I haven’t lost anything, I aim to give it the best shot I can and do this normally rather than cling on disorderedly, because it is honestly not getting me anywhere so why not?

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Been doing some refining, some improvements . Remani Love Project’s new Logo in preparation for taking self-love to a higher level 💕🌿
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A celebration of when I found the power of meditation....spending time alone, peace and harnessing my inner self - a gift I wish for everyone. Things are going to start looking a little different around here, but my core is always the same 💕
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#Elevation #progressnotperfection #Feelthefearanddoitanyway #Steppinginpurpose #Selflove #Meditation

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The TEDx talk I did called one smile at a time is online!!! https://youtu.be/Fmu-yPx54vA I can't watch it but I hope you do, that it leads you to think differently, that you laugh and that you perhaps stop by and tell me what you think.x It was filmed in oct last year and there are so many things that have changed me again as a result.. I nearly dropped out but didn't!! 😂😊 . #noideamybumwasthatbig #laugh #bebrave #onesmileatatime #recovery #laughterforthehealthofit #smile #smiler #anxiety #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #tedxchelmsford #breathe #youcount #inthemoment #2minuteslaughter #shareasmile #keepgoing #marmite #personal #ninja #tedtalk #golaughaboutitanyway #feelthefearanddoitanyway #susanjeffers #youcan #oneday

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Snack was bomb😍😍😍

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After a long sleep I have managed to get myself out of the hotel for a walk around my local area of Karol Bagh. There is a huge market here selling clothes, electrical and other things.
I was on the hunt for a SIM card for my phone. I wasn’t having much luck when a guy approached me on the street, something I’m usually very wary of, and said he was a tuk tuk driver and he could take me to a reputable phone shop. And he did and now I have phone with data, which means I can update IG lots!
He then took me to a bazaar where I bought a couple of kurtas (long shirts) for probably far too much money because I cannot bargain and I always love everything I see! I managed to avoid buying scarves as well but they were so lovely.......
I’m back at the hotel now and off out to meet up with a friend who lives here.
I’m so glad I went out and managed to achieve what I set out to do: get a SIM, buy a kurta.
Next challenge: order an Uber and head out to meet my friend!
I love being back in Delhi!!!!!
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#thisanxiousadventurer #digitalhumanbeans #delhi #ilovedelhi #solofemaletraveller #solofemaletraveler #realtravel #solofemale #anxious #anxiety #beatinganxietyonedayatatime #feelthefearanddoitanyway #karolbagh #indianbazaar

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