MY NON COMMITTAL DREAM::::::
When I saw the title of Melissa Febos' new book, 'Abandon me', I felt an instant wave of recognition.
Like many other women, I tend to draw in distant men. While we like each other in the beginning, we never seem to get very far. I've been going for guys with kids since I was 20 and often fall for those in other cities or countries, unknowingly enjoying the fact that there is an ocean between us. I love pot heads, but hate pot and struggle to find someone to wants to be all in. And then even when they are, it ends up feeling like they are a million miles away.
But here's the thing- I don't attract emotionally unavailable men. I am attracted to them. Because I am them. Essentially, I am just waiting for a man to not give me what I want, so I can breathe into a space of freedom, once again. Being alone is not scary for me- it's the easiest thing I've ever done. When it comes to being in a relationship, my M.O is essentially sending out silent whispers of, 'please abandon me', because if you don't, I will end up giving you a reason to leave.
For full blog, click link in bio.
"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." ~ Joseph Campbell 💚
The privilege of living is not sacrificing your light because you think it's hurting someone else.
It's not being peaceful when you have something to say.
If you want to be a writer, call yourself a writer.
If you want to be an artist, be an artist.
Drop the impostor feelings. You're not one. You can do it. You're stronger and more capable than you think.💪🏻
Everything good in my life has come from this. And ps. This doesn't mean all massages, yoga, and taking days off. Loving the shit out of yourself means doing what it takes to create the life you are so privileged and blessed to be able to create. It's getting up when it's hard. It's facing rejection and still proceeding. It's the moment you realize failure is actually feedback. That's loving the shit out of yourself. #truthtelling #love #loveeverydamnday
Quit living for someone else, in search of their praise. You're doing it right—you're going to be just fine. 💛 Check out what I wrote for #rebellesociety (link in bio 👆🏻). Writing this was simultaneously the lifting of a weight of 1000 pounds and also so fucking vulnerable and exposing.
"Peace and boredom are too often seen as different. But what if we could experience deep inner peace while seeking expansion? We experience bliss in one moment of pause, and the next may be filled with longing. This is not a problem, and it is not something that must be fixed. Longing is only an expression of our soul desiring to fulfill its personal mission on this earth." >>> It's been quite awhile since I've had any writing published! These days my writing time is usually on my book or personal journaling/channeling. Here's a piece from my heart that I wanted to share🔻
If you're called, I'd love to hear what your experience is with the spectrum between (or lack there of) Peace & Boredom // Link to article in profile, via @rebellesociety • 📷 @sarah_b_little
Blessing & Clearing with my new deck. I have been coveting the #wildunknowntarot for countless years now and finally treated myself. I waited forever for a lot of reasons and to be vulnerable with you - it's because I was into tarot all through my teens and early 20's. And then somewhere along the way, I suddenly felt like I had to put away my altars, my collection of beautiful cards, stones and love of fairies and ephemeral spirit world. Suddenly I became shy about them. I felt a pressure that I had to "grow up" and put these seemingly youthful, naïve or fanciful tools away. Of course, they came with me to every new city I moved to or traveled too, kind of like a security blanket, but I didn't have the same rituals around them as I did for so many years. They waited patiently for me. I realize that these tools, these times with myself in sacred space, these rituals - were all meditations of selfhood. They compliment my yoga and life practice. They support me. So in the last few years, I slowly brought them out again. I brought little altars with me on journeys. I began bringing cards and stones into teachings in public and with private students.
I have become more open and uncompromising about what brings me light. That's what it means to be yourself. Do what makes you happy and that will make you stable in your being.
As I cleared them with sweet smelling palo santo (via my life in Paris) and a welcoming hand (via @peacockpavilionshotel in gorgeous Marrakesh) I recognize that my relationship to divination, symbols and rituals is just like my breath. There are swells of inhales, and emptying exhales. When you put something away there is always the option to let go lightly, and remind yourself that it can return ... Just as your inhale fills you once more from empty pause.
I'll bring them with me to my last offering here in Terrace on Saturday and they will accompany me on my journey back down to Vancouver. I can't wait to work with them and with you. To allow them to guide me in guiding you.
Let's connect. I've missed you so.
"Y'all know what this is...it's a reclamation, bitches." Day 37/40. I've spent a good amount of this travel adventure slowly, reverently, and intentionally, honoring, acknowledging, and reclaiming the parts of myself I had gradually dulled and denied over time in my last few relationships to, "make my partners more comfortable." In a lot of my studies of women and womanhood, this is common and biological even.
We're wired to adapt for survival. And it's not always a good thing. For me, this ranged from not fully expressing to downplaying my power, my joy, my brilliance, my enthusiasm, my sense of humor, and my capacity for love, and success. I excused and tolerated poor behavior, lacking integrity and massive incongruence at times.
I told myself I was being "compassionate" and "accepting" (hello spiritual bypass). I internalized shame projected onto me by men who didn't want *all of me* and subtly and not so subtly criticized and made me wrong for the parts that made them uncomfortable.
And while I no longer excuse them, I also don't blame them. They were doing their own dances with life. I was a willing (though confused, hurt, and outraged at times) participant. I believed their stories. I took on their truths that weren't my own.
Now I have better eyes to see and ears to hear the truth and reality of these behaviors and red flags in the future so I can avoid them.
Seeing it all for what it was is equally liberating as it is humbling. I couldn't have known better until I had the experiences. And I couldn't have come to know, trust or love myself this much if I hadn't tried to adjust, deny, and abandon myself all those times. Life is a masterful teacher whose lessons sometimes thrive on contrast and aren't always gentle but they are plentiful and firm.
Here's to waking up, growing up, loving up, and coming "home," over and over, as many times as we need to. ✌🏽❤🔥
"Finished listening to @dallasclayton on the one and only podcast (@areyoubeingreal ) and immediately went to the bookstore to grab his book. Boy, oh boy, did I need that dose of inspiration. He dropped some serious truth bombs. Here's a few: Do what makes you happy and find a way to use it to make others happy. Choose to live authentically on whatever path you're on. Don't let fear rob you of cool experiences. Embrace the magic all around you daily.
DREAM BIG. DREAM HARD. DREAM LIKE YOU ONLY GET THIS ONE LIFE TO LIVE.
Thank goodness for magical humans that remind us of these truths. We're all in this together. We're all walking each other home."
What truth bomb resonated with you? (if you made it to the end of this post 😉😊)
"I wish I wasn't gaining notoriety for having one of the "best handles" on the subject. No one ever says to themselves, while reading articles like mine, I wish I could relate to this.
I wish I wasn't a part of this community, but I am. I know all too well what's it's like to love a person who suffers from addiction.
I know that it's like to worry yourself sick. To cry yourself to sleep. I know what it's like to miss someone who is still standing in front of you.... An Absence before an exit....." -Alicia Cook @thealiciacook ❤ I never in a million years thought that the blog I birthed last fall (LINK IN BIO) would take the steps it has the last few months, I wasn't told that my exes heroin addiction and raising my voice for our family would become my passion. No one told me that I would fight like hell to have our voice heard. No one told me that having a son in common would also mean having your disease in common. No one told me that I would after 3 years still have sleepless nights, get physically sick, not eat for a week. No one told me that lately everything I write is about this subject, that heroin addiction has become my common place daydream. Grieving the living my new normal. No one told me that all this pain and sadness was the BEST and WORST thing to ever happen to me. That it's allowed me to heal while mourning. That it's allowed me to love deeply and intently when in all other instances I shouldn't.
No one told me these things about heroin.
#becoming #BecomingAmber #heroin #addiction #recovery #writer #stories #truthtelling #parenting #motherhood #ownyourstory #blogger #vegasblogger #ourstory #coparenting #notonemore #blackballoon #addictionandrecovery #familydisease #sober #life #honesty #truth #recover #healing
📢Pleased as punch to announce that @manbookerprize winning author Richard Flanagan has written a new novel, FIRST PERSON, to be published by Chatto & Windus in the UK this November 📓 A ghostwriter is haunted by his demonic subject as he hunts for the truth amidst lies, crimes and literature 💥Go to You Tube to hear Richard read an exclusive extract from FIRST PERSON on our Vintage Books channel: https://youtu.be/xoI0uer3yq4 🗯 PS/ @penguinbooksaus publishing October 2017; @aaknopf publishing April 2018.
I am unable to discuss what this is about as much as I wanted too. But driving it made me realise those who like me who straight away stand up and admit to making a mistake or an error in anything are the easiest targets and get the blame put on them when they are telling the truth. At least some good came out of it I really wish I could say what this is about but I can't. I'm sorry. I would if I could. Guess this girl and just like all you other guys in my situation where you've been blamed for telling the truth and didn't lie, we continue to hold our heads up high and fight. The last week has drained me both physically and emotionally. I cannot thank you all enough for helping me through this. Thank you and hold your head up high when you tell the truth even if your not believed cause you know the truth and that's all that matters.
#destinedtobeunloved #thankyoutomyfollowers #dontgiveup #keepfighting #sad #exhausted #physicallyandemotionallydrained #tellthetruthalways #keepyourheaduphigh #beproud #truthtelling #ignoretheliars #ignorethosewhowanttoputypudown #staystrong #stillnotoverbywillbesoonwiththegoodpart #sorryicantsharethefulldetails #believeinyourself #willgetbetter
Screw thigh gaps, ab cracks, and back dimples. I am taking my body back. Instead of hating it for what it can't do, I am discovering how it thrives and embracing it. I am finding my own natural strengths and doing things that make me feel good. I am bowing out of the conversation where you shame my body. Cash me outside (enjoying a hike), how bout dat?"
Great start to Sunday! Opening the @washingtonpostmag to find #hometownhero Marcus Bullock founder of THE app @flikshop Great Q&A including this wisdom: He has #noregrets "because my failure has been my mentor my entire career." Marcus is the CEO of @flikshop which makes it so easy for family & friends to send postcards to men and women currently incarcerated. He also leads apprenticeship programs for #returningcitizens through @freemindsbookclub It will be a privilege to have him contributing to my portrait and narrative series #reframingthefuture - link in bio. #truthtelling #leadership #manofvision #changeagent #halfby2030 #reentry #citizensreturn #artivism #artivist #techchange #techforchange #creativecommunity #storytellingphotography #storytellingforchange #storytellingforbusiness
Be Soft Yoga Challenge Day 13: Dolphin Pose. As you can see I've been slacking on this challenge. Fear, plain and simple is the reason why. In some weird way, I'm afraid of what will happen as a result of the completion of this challenge. The weirdest part is the fear of becoming - of awakening. Society has trained me to be afraid of being anywhere but in their bubble of "not good enough". Anything outside of this bubble has been deemed crazy, unsafe and worst of all - vulnerable. We have been taught to fear vulnerability to the point we consider it synonymous with weakness and shame. There's this deep-rooted fear that if we are vulnerable and Soft, we won't be successful, taken seriously, or will be considered too emotional. That we will be alone because of it. And that fear consumes us. We spend our entire lives being afraid and because of that we are not fully walking into our power and our gifts. We are not becoming, awakening, living, being vulnerable. Yet there can be no intimacy—emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy, physical intimacy—without vulnerability. Vulnerability isn't shameful. It’s about being honest with how we feel, about our fears, about what we need, and, asking for what we need. Vulnerability is a glue that holds people together. If we are so afraid of being vulnerable, we’re not going to live the way we need to for ourselves and for the people around us. We’re all in this together, and time is short. We can't afford too be afraid anymore, because we lose our chance at life when we choose fear over the courage that comes with being vulnerable.
As the officer put the gun to his head/his entire life flashed before him/he knew he would become another statistic/that God wanted his people to come back to him/he closed his eyes/ prayed to Jah/ and thought of her....😢WAKE UP(hope the pic got your attention) now... WAKE UP#truthtelling