20 | eckerd college | scorpio | ISFP 📍st. petersburg, fl
741 posts 1,332 followers 2,167 following
huge thank you to @skylar_rose_art for a piece so special to me this tattoo is something i’ve wanted since i began recovery for my eating disorder. the flowers are in the shape of the national eating disorder awareness symbol. it’s in a place where i always used to (and sometimes still do) body check. i’ve always been very insecure about my stomach, so every time i go look in the mirror and want to look at it, i’ll see this beautiful piece instead, a reminder of how beautiful my body is and how far i’ve come. i’m so happy with how this turned out, and i can’t wait to get color in it next time
this wasn’t something i intended on sharing so soon, but it’s international women’s day, so why not. four years ago, i was raped. i’m not going to go into detail, and it’s not something i’m ready to talk about with anyone. i forgive the person who did this to me, even though this is pain i’ll have to endure the rest of my life.
i did this project for my interdisciplinary arts class (had to crop for instagrams sake), and it’s no where near finished, but i couldn’t bring myself to take any more photos to share my story or write an essay like i wanted to because it brought up so many emotions i was depressing and had never dealt with before.
i’m currently suffering from depression and PTSD from the occurrence, and i’ve been going to therapy. since then, i’ve been sexually harassed at work by a customer, a place that’s a safe haven for me. i’m terrified to be alone. i cry multiple times a day. i can’t go to class because it gives me anxiety, and i can’t do homework because i can’t focus. i keep physical distance from people. i’m not comfortable with people touching me. sex isn’t something i can think or talk about anymore because it reminds me of what happened.
i’m sorry to everyone i’ve been distant from these past few weeks. i’m trying to be better. i’m trying to let myself heal and not feel so guilty about the things that have happened to me. i know they’re not my fault, at least that’s what i’m trying to convince myself.
to all the women in the world, to anyone, male or female or trans or non binary this has happened to, im sorry. i know how you feel, and you’re not alone, even if it feels like you are.
thank you to @josh_bozarth_photography and @aceadastra for help with this project. i couldn’t have done it without you. and thank you both for being there for me during this hard time.
a big thanks to my family for all of their unconditional love, @siriusnoir for things i can’t thank her enough for and just always being there when i’m a mess, @madintheburg for being the best RA in the world, professor wolfe and @jonchopan for being the greatest mentors i could ever have (and watching me cry in their office multiple times a week). i’m forever grateful.
@lizzyfarrall is a queen // this set of photos (lizzy, woes, seaway) from the other night is the first time in a long time that i’ve been confident in my work, that i’ve felt as if it may almost be up to par with other photographers i look up to. i know it’s not, but the feeling that i’m progressing is really really nice.