I'm a deaf toothless earless cross-eyed half-blind senior lilac Siamese rescue in Beacon NY + I advocate for #specialneedscats + I ❤️ Daisy & tuna.
AAAIIIGGHHHH! you guys are uhhh-maaaaazing! i met my sock goal in less than a day! thank you so much!!! we still have two weeks to go, so it's not too late to reserve your pair. (the link is in my bio. once we hit the deadline, that's it, vamoosh, no more socks, since this is a limited run.) proceeds from every pair go to @midhudsonanimalaid, because they're awesome. in fact they're just as awesome as YOU. and daisy. and tuna. and naps. and pets from the humans. and daisy. wait did i mention tuna? tuna is really awesome, i don't want to forget tuna. p.s. tuna.
YOU GUYS!!!! check it out! i gots socks for sale! they're LILAC and they've got my face and daisy's face and tunafish and tuna sushi and tuna cans all over 'em! (swipe left to see more pics.) and they're only $14 each and all net proceeds go to @midhudsonanimalaid, the shelter that saved my and daisy's life! the thing is, we gotta sell at least 15 pairs in order for these to get made, and we have to do that within two weeks. it may be hot as ballz today, but cold weather's comin' and we want to make sure everyone's tootsies are toasty. SO GET CLICKIN' (link is in my bio) AND BUYIN' AND SHARIN' AND LOVIN'! yay charity socks! and yay @bakdrop for the most awesomest business model ever! p.s. this is my first ever eddie swag, so THANK YOU in advance to all who buy and share these ridiculously fabulous socks! #bakdrop #bakdropsocks
the style issue of vanity fair arrived the other day, and it inspired me to airbrush out my lines and bump up the color like all the models on the runway, just for shits 'n giggles (i actually think wrinkles and grey hair are totes awesome on you humans). but who doesn't like to dress up now and then? not that i have anything to sell, mind you. (well, not yet anyway... bwahahaha...) WHAT? 😽
hey humans. can you please, please, please get your shit together? we only have one life in this world (well, you anyway; i've got like six more to go), and so many people are throwing it away on hatred. why? what the hell's the point? my human's therapist says anxiety fueled by politics is skyrocketing across the country, and that makes me so sad. i know how much love you humans are capable of (i mean, have you been following mr. b's foster rehab story over at @tabbycatliability, in which one human's love and dedication saved a furball's life?). i know my human's stress levels have been off the charts, and she full-on broke down last night after scrolling through her facebook feed again. i'll tell you what i told her—practice self care. talk to someone. cry, scream, get angry, sleep. make art. there's no right or wrong way to deal with horror at this level, especially when it is so clearly inspired by horrors from the past. be kind to yourselves. do what you need to do to restore balance, and do so without shame (like, if you need to turn off the news and watch "Airplane!" for the 87th time like my numnut humans, then you do exactly that). i know one scientifically proven way to relieve stress and induce calm—pet a cat. seriously. also, DUH. .
be kind, my bishes. and love one another. .
hey daisy, how ya like my #derp? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? daisy? hello? is it derp you're looking for? daisy? daisy? daisy? .
#caturdaynightderpoff #caturdaynitederpoff #peoplecantspell #derpfirstappearedin1582 #itreferredtotheclaspinagentlemansfobchain #golookinthedictionary #itsrightafterthewordgullible #hahaimsuchanasshole #derpdownforwhat #derpitude #myderpislegit #myderpislit #myderpbringsallthestrayferalcatstotheyard #whyamistilltyping #whatdoesitallmean #whoami #eddiethelilaclion #duh
wait, so not only is it monday, but we also have to start thinking about going back to school? i mean this crinkly pencil catnip toy from @catladybox is the shizzle, and i can't wait to pee on it, but going back to school? HELLSNO, man. i don't need no stinkin' geography teacher to tell me about the undulating contours of daisy's derrière, and i don't need no stinkin' biology teacher to tell me that tuna live in the sea and need to be in my mouth. i went to the school of hard knocks, mister, and i have a Masters degree in advanced psychoanalytical socioeconomic transmogrifications of eschatological reasoning. also i minored in tuna. daisy dropped out to go to beauty school, and she was the valedictorian, OBVS.
p.s. that amazing kitty pillow is from my artist friend @kilkennycat_art, whose folk art paintings are splendiddilyicious.
on this #specialcaturday my heart is heavy, because my fellow earless furriend @aprils_special_family is crossing the rainbow bridge today. i'm sending endless love to her humans, who did everything they could to ease her pain (from a sudden onslaught of saddle thrombosis), and whose hearts are breaking into a million pieces. but the greatest thing they've done is surround her with light and grace, both of which will be her guides as she moves beyond the veil. farewell, sweet april, and know that you were loved and respected and cherished. and please say hi to harvey, smilla, isabel, and shackleton. they'll show you where to find the best catnip and the coziest pillows and the most delicious tuna in all the universes. .
can i get a huzzah for all the catdads out there? (and catmoms too, natch.) we had a couple of strangers in the house this morning delivering a mattress (and taking away the old one), and all three of us kitties got totally freaked out. floyd hid upstairs while daisy and i hid under the dining table. once the guys left, daisy and floyd came out for some lovin', but i was still spooked. (sometimes being deaf and having lousy vision can really suck.) but catdad coaxed me out, and then got down on the floor with me and pet me so much i flopped over for bellyrubs. and swipe left to see where i am right this second, sandwiched between my humans, lying on mom's feet, which she's letting me do even though it's a gabillionty degrees here and the humidity is 847%. the air conditioner is on full blast, they made coffee (which i always love because it kind of smells like cat pee), and my next bellyrub appointment is coming up in just a few minutes. i know #ilivewithnumnuts, but sometimes they're pretty okay. and catdad gets an A+ today. i may have to give him some tuna later. ❤️❤️
super extra rare photo of me sleeping with one eye open, because one must always be vigilant and on the lookout. for what, you may ask? oh i think you know the answer to that question. #sleepingwithoneeyeopen #evervigilant #innereyelid #nictitatingmembrane #theycallmethenictitator #ialsohavenystagmus #sothatmakesme #thenystagmanictitator #tripsrightoffthetongue #not #youknowwhatiwantfordinner #nictitatortots
and now for something completely different... i give you... NORMAN! norman's a #malayanboxturtle that my humans adopted a few years ago after he was rescued from a shitty exotic pet dealer who'd been keeping him in a small tank with wood shavings. dude's a frickin' water turtle! he's also very nervous when you take him out of the water, which leads us to believe he was caught in the wild (as opposed to bred, which is WAY more ethical when it comes to reptiles). poor guy had a rough start to life, but he's happy now, and while the humans weren't sure they could handle a high-maintenance aquatic turtle, they decided he deserves a chance just as much as we crazy cats do. so they change his filters (ugh poop) and they feed him freeze-dried crickets (ugh crickets) and he humps his favorite rock (ugh humping) and he (oh wait go back one) (yeah the humping one) (i don't think humping is ugh) (i mean not that i want to hump a turtle) (ugh) (is this thing on?) (hi) (p.s. tuna)
#turtle #turtlesofinstagram #boxturtle #aquaticturtle #cuoraamboinensis #herpsofinstagram #reptile #herpetology
don't give me that look, monday. i see you creepin'. just know this: i will find you, and i will drop a powerpuff fart bomb so strong it'll make your knees weak and your eyes water, and then i'll find your family, and i will pee on all of their favorite shoes, and then i'll find your... um... lemme think... i'll find your... MOMMA, yeah, i'll find your momma and i'll tell her that she dresses you funny and then she'll give me some tuna on a plate and i'll tell her that she's actually a very sweet lady but that her offspring is a bungholiolic chump. #imfeelingespeciallyattitudinal #mondayswilldothat #actuallymostdays #unlesstheyhavetuna #ohgoditstrue #ihaveatunaproblem #ineedanintervention #atunavention #gimmetunadammit #tunatunatuna #pstuna
the world lost a giant today. @mycatkyle was such a force for good—showing that special-needs cats can be magnificent, and fighting for animal protection in domestic abuse situations via his #catsagainstdv campaign and his work with @ahimsahouse. his whiskers had their own zip code, and his #escapefoot made him a fashion icon. my human had the honor of meeting his human at catcampnyc earlier this year, and her sweetness was so very much an extension of kyle's spirit. he will be missed more than mere words can say, and my humans and i are holding kyle's family in our hearts today, and sending them love and light and peace. you made the world a better place, kyle, and your legacy will live on in the abused and special-needs cats who've been rescued thanks to your advocacy. 🙌❤️🌈
VOLUME UP to hear my human put her insanely annoying numnuttiness on display!
#ilivewithnumnuts #specialcameos #frommyladylovedaisy #andmyidiotbrotherfloyd #ohanditstrue #whatmyhumansaid #iamsofine #iblowyourmind #purringmachine #ohonemorething #WHERESDATUNA #sorryabouttheshittyquality #thishousedoesntgetalotoflight #notalotoftunaeither
hey girl. wanna do something? wanna hang out? wanna go get some tuna? do you like tuna? you're gonna love tuna. what are you wearing? is it tuna? wanna go dancing? with tuna? or do you wanna go to a movie? i heard "the tunatrix" really good, and it stars tunaeanu reeves and laurence tunaburne. wanna go? will you go with me? tuna?
ladies and gentlemen and kitties of all ages, on this most exalted #whiskerwednesday, i give you my most beloved special ladyfriend, the girl who warms the cockles of my heart, the wind beneath my wings, the sugar to my coffee, the priestess of my sanctum, the salt to my pepper, the genteel dove that tames my turbulent soul... i give you: daisy. IS SHE A HOTTIE OR WHAT, AMIRITE??? 😻👅 #iknowhowtotalktotheladies #hotcockles #imnothingifnotsophisticated #butcomeon #shesatotalhottie #shewouldturnheadsonthestreet #ifshewasanoutdoorcat #whichsheisnt #idontknowwherethisisgoing #ohyeah #girls #ilikeem #omgifyoustarttotypeahashtagwithilikeem #therearelotsofem #andtheyregross #hi #whatsup
when it comes to mondays, my idiot dumbass nincompoop doofus moron dullard obnoxious braindead buttmunch wacko numbskull useless halfwit churlish imbecile boneheaded fool of a brother has the right idea. #floydisanumnut #prettyboyfloyd #hethinkshespretty #butwhatdoesheknow #hesanidiot #asivestatedquiteexhaustively
happy #specialcaturday, bishes! this is how i plan to spend the day. only wake me if you have tuna or daisy or tuna or tuna or maybe salmon but really tuna or daisy or tuna did i say tuna yes tuna wake me for tuna. and remember i can't hear you, so if you could tap the bed lightly so i feel the vibrations that would be great. for tuna. don't forget the tuna. p.s. tuna.
is it the weekend yet? because i can't even with the hot heatness and the shvitzing and the kvetching and oh wait no that's my numnut humans bitching and moaning, i mean what the hell do i care how hot it is i'm a cat, we can take it, we're from egypt. now where the hell's my tuna already with the schlepping to the kitchen and the waiting. #imreadyformybarmitzvah #butyoushouldknow #itoldthatfuckdownattheleagueoffice #idontrollonshabbos #shomershabbos #oyveyizmir
ohhhhhh yeahhhhhh..... do it to me one more time, babygirl! you KNOW what i LIKE! hubba to the hub to the ba! #NSFW #wontyoutakemetofunkytown #birdsdoitbeesdoit #eveneddieanddaisydoit #wellnotreally #whothehellamikidding #wesleepmostly #ourlivesarealmostasboringashumanlives #butnotquite #thankjeebus
there's nothing better than chilling out next to your human on the crack between the couch cushions and sinking into that weird divot where your chin plunges into the netherworld of lost bits of edible detritus but you can't burrow deeper because the cushions are still pretty firm despite your humans' ample tuchuses (tuchi?) so you're forced to tease your ravenous appetite with the smells of long lots bits of pretzel and tostito. i've yet to inhale any remnant of a creature of the sea, but i've not lost all hope. #humansaregross
🙀i just realized it's been forever and a day since i gave a shoutout to my favorite kitties out there, my fellow special-needs bubbeles! you know the ones i mean, the ones who're deaf and toothless and earless like me, and the blind ones, and the wobbly ones, and the ones missing limbs and eyes, and the fraidy ones (who ALWAYS deserve a chance at love—just look at mr. belvedere over at @tabbycatliability!), and the poopy diaper babies, and the frail ones, and the FIV/FeLV+ ones, and the elderly ones, and the diabetic ones, and the ones who've been abused and left behind and need love the most. i LUBBBBBS you! #truth
so—if you're a human and you're reading this, and you think your furball could use a new friend, or you're grieving and have a love-sized hole in your heart that needs filling, PLEASE consider adopting a special-needs animal. we may require a little extra care or patience or TLC, but when you see us play for the first time? i promise your heart will explode and it'll actually be really messy with blood and goop everywhere so yeah maybe don't do that. i keed! i keed. go. adopt. save a life. 🐾❤️🙌
what's that i smell wait what is that omg is it tuna it smells like tuna omg i think it's tuna i smelled it in the kitchen and now the smell is here omg is it tuna please god let it be tuna i have to know i have to touch it i have to see if it's tuna omg swipe left because omg i touched it OMG IT'S TUNA GIMME SOME TUNA OMG. .
epilogue: it was indeed tuna, and i indeed got some. 🐟❤️