011025 ♏️

5 posts 206 followers 167 following

It’s not pre-show jitters or first day butterflies, it’s a different kind of fear. They say everyone has their demons, mine, an anxiety disorder and depression. The panic attacks don’t let up. My anxiety like torrential rain, threatening to flood the city. I have stopped seeing my friends, and leaving my house unless forced. I contemplated suicide often, seeing it as my only escape. I had survived my 3 years of school and even started hanging out with a few people who are now my closest friends. Life was looking up, I could see the light, but that didn’t mean I was out of the tunnel. But I’m not better. My eyes are dull and my smile is faker than barbie. School is harder, and so is spending time with my “friends”. Have you ever tried screaming underwater? And no one can hear you and those who can pretend they don’t? That’s what it’s like, screaming and nobody can hear me. My body preparing for a war, a battle that will never come, at least not physically. I can’t breath, I can’t speak, I can’t even think. The voices of the people around me blur into indistinguishable mumbles, every light is too bright, every noise is too loud. All I want to do is go home and drown in a sea of loud music and blankets, warm and safe in my own space. But I have to do what I do every day, and push through the next seven hours pretending to be okay. And now my mind is not my own. My thoughts fall in to this never ending void of what ifs and could this-es. Spiraling out of control, my own personal self destruct button. I claw at the edges, desperately trying to escape. But how can you escape your own mind and own thoughts? If I have the freedom of speech, why do I feel imprisoned by my words? This is my life now, I live in constant fear that someday my anxiety will take over my life and never relinquish control. I am scared to look towards the future, because the guess and check method doesn’t work for life. I have lived my whole life with irrational fear, but now I am truly afraid. #anxiety #depression #fear


Can't really smile cuz we won't able to see much


Miss you cutie pie 😭❤️



Oh Mandy


男人的寂寞 说出来 有谁懂