Reeezy

The most powerful piece, able to move any number of spaces horizontally, vertically, or diagonally. @UnofficialExpert podcast.

https://www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpert/posts

681 posts 9,587 followers 679 following

It’s my sister @lufaustinpro birthday!! S W I P E to watch us hold the entire line up at #lebain just so we could shoot a video with 638 of our closest friends in the bathroom.
Go wish my buff ass baby twin #seester a HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

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For a "shithole country" the United States sure does spend A LOT of time in Haiti. A brief history lesson for ya'lls orange President with the crooked lacefront:
After fighting for 13 yrs, Haiti "won" their independence in 1804. (WON = France made them BUY THEIR FREEDOM for $150 MM) That's $150 MILLION. They paid the debt in full in 1947.

Haiti had to borrow money from the US to pay of that insane debt.

In 1914 Woodrow Wilson sent US Marines to Haiti to empty the Haitian Gold Reserve.

The US occupied Haiti, controlled the economy, influenced elections, backed dictators, funded coups until the 1980s (That's 30 something years ago)

The US invaded Haiti AGAIN in 1994, 2004...(that's 14 years ago)

The US dumped Cholera in the water... 2010 Bill Clinton was UN Special Envoy to Haiti after the earthquake. $13 BILLION was pledged to help Haiti and all that money "disappeared"

Trump can kiss the blackest part of my ass and the entire country of France can kiss the light part #haiti

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First week of 2018 is over and we’re already killing it. This week on the @unofficialexpert podcast, we’re asking crucial questions such as:
can you be cocky if you’re ugly?? Did I accidentally join Grindr?? Will I REALLY say yes to everything, during my Year of Yes??? Listen now on iTunes then slide over to Patreon. Link in my bio

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S W I P E. Lets talk about my life in 2018 #visionboard

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Waiting for toniiiiight, oh. When 2018 would be here in my arms 📸 @iamjwphotography

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I owe a lot of people money so I switched up the hair & I’m leaving all of my debts in 2017. Let’s chat later. 📸: @iamjwphotography

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Christmas Shopping AKA taking selfies at your dad’s house. #tbt

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Don’t be rude in front of my baguette

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60,000 likes on my pictures this year...WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME?
6 pics by @iamjwphotography
2 pics by @davidlawrencebyrd and
ONE by @justsydbw

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Say NO to surprise threesomes 🙅🏾‍♀️🙅🏿‍♂️🙋🏾‍♀️

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Neither snow nor rain nor LACK OF COINS will keep us from coming to Philly today. 8:30 TONIGHT at @goodgoodcomedy. Bring extra socks, chicken noodle soup and 🍆🍆🍆

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New Orleans is a magical city. I drank too much and ate too much but the amount of shade that I threw at strangers in broad daylight? juuuuust right.
Walked into a bar to sing Mariah Carey’s greatest hits with @matteolane and @1wald1 drew this pic of me in seconds.
You’re artistic? Go to NoLa. You like old/young/gay white men paying for your drinks: NoLa.
You like giant $5 daiquiris and dancing in the street? NoLa.
You like bumping into Manny Fresh and calling him ma’am: NoLa.
Sis, you like threesomes? NOLA.
If you’re cute and your hair is cute and you’re poor but you like talking to strangers: NOLA
If you have diabetes, DONT go to NoLa. You will die in a plate of beignets.

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Struggling to speak French in the French Quarter. My Haitian mother is beyond proud.

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Beyond #Blessed.
I saw someone wearing this catsuit on IG a few weeks ago. I found it on Monday AND IT WAS ON SALE. Long story short, I wore it for my half hour taping at @unionhallny last night. If you didn’t come, you’re dumb.
Big tings a gwan in 2018.

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We’ll be serving marinated black girl magic on a well seasoned platter tomorrow at @unionhallny. Come see us in all our broke ass glory, BEFORE we’re too famous for you. Bring Rosé 📸: @seanpressleyphotography

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#WCW goes to @rye.uh our Sex Toy Expert #unofficialexpert. Listen to the episode, I PROMISE you’ll learn something this week. Right on time for the holidays too!
PS: wtf is lube???

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Something to be thankful for: NEXT WEDNESDAY 8PM. Bring your leftovers. White friends, no potato salad please.

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SO many awesome episodes of our podcast (@unofficialexpert )to listen to, this weekend. @rye.uh is our SEX TOY EXPERT just in time for the holidays! Listen, laugh & buy your mama something nice. 🍆🍆🍆

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When your bangs, bathroom lighting and Botox are allllll perfectly aligned. #me.

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It’s Friday and i'm ready to swiiiing...

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Your #wcw has a part-time job as Miss Cleo and strips under the alias “Haitian Princess Jasmine”

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Collarbone POPPING. Also, new episode of @unofficialexpert is up right now.

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Straight hair got me feeling like Regina George.

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#TBT to the last time I dated a Hwhite Hwoman. Her name was Grace. My mom didn’t like her beige ass but she was on sale and black one was full price...Obviously 👑

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If you rip the front page off, WE’RE ON THE COVER of @timeoutnewyork #wontHeDoIt @unofficialexpert @mrgregglles found us 😎

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TO MOR ROW The @unofficialexpert Live is back! Get your tickets now and bring your raggedy ass to our magical evening of jokes, roasts and shady hosts 🖤 TICKET LINK IN BIO

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If the crown don’t fit, you must acquit - Queen Elizabeth

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Why are leather shorts even a thing?? They’re way too hot but so is my boo @ms_boz #datenight 📸: @marcoglorious

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#TBT that time when it was 1993 and I forgot my beeper in my other purse

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