I HAVE A BF DON'T ASK FOR NUDES/MORE BODY CHECKS 5'4"🚺17 HW:115lbs SW:105 CW:100 LW:94lbs GW:95lbs UGW:90lbs EDNOS/BDD self diagnosed
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Day 7; fear foods
These are just some of them and i probably could come up with even more.
All of these things are things i love and ate a lot of (whilst enjoying it) before my ED
Now, i still enjoy them but it literally kills me inside to have them
My mum’s chicken alfredo
Anything with noodles in it in general tbh
Sandwhiches/stuff with bread
Fries of any kind
Chicken (or really any meat in general)
I think that if i were to open up to my parents about what’s really going on with me, it would be my dad that i opened up to. He’s the only one who seems to actually care about the family and i have at least a little hope that he wouldn’t just somehow gaslight me and get mad at me for something i cannot control like my mum would if i told her
Aaaand last but not least;
Like my post about depression, this isn’t how i came to the conclusion that i have a certain disorder and am now self diagnosed with it, it’s about how i highly suspect that if i were clinically tested (something i am not in a position to have done right now) i would be diagnosed.
For pretty much all my life, i have felt constant nervousness.
Afraid that the other kids on the playground wouldn’t want to play with me. Worry that a kid who’s parent dressed them would think the outfit i picked for myself was silly. Worry that the books i was enjoying reading would seem nonsensical to someone else. Worry that still playing pretend and roleplaying when i was 12 and 13 would freak people out and they wouldn’t want to spend time with me anymore. Holding my breath before and after ordering food because i don’t want to mess up or offend anyone. Not voicing my opinion because i don’t want people to be angry with me. Not talking at all because i don’t want people to look at me. Not going out to parties with my friends because i won’t already know everyone. Not being able to make eye contact with customers at work, especially those taller than i am. Crying when anyone raises their voice towards me. Constantly asking people if they are mad at me. Constantly asking if i am bothering my friends. Constantly trying to make sure my friends are happy and catering to their every need even if it means letting myself become a doormat. Worrying about things that will have no effect on me whatsoever. Worrying about things i know full well will turn out completely fine. Constantly being plagued with the thought of ‘what if?’
My whole life, practically, i have struggled. But i am not self diagnosed.