Not Pro Ana! Not Giving Tips!

I HAVE A BF DON'T ASK FOR NUDES/MORE BODY CHECKS 5'4"🚺17 HW:115lbs SW:105 CW:100 LW:94lbs GW:95lbs UGW:90lbs EDNOS/BDD self diagnosed

https://slendercravingss.sarahah.com/

154 posts 707 followers 128 following

Day 10
I dont have any lmao

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Same????

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Day 9
Coffee (with two tablespoons of cream and stevia)
Diet drinks like soda and monster
Mio+water
Beef jerkey
Fruits and veggies

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Body check
My chest bones and my hand before i binged today

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Day 8
Google lmao

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Hell, i even do it while i’m on shift at work. But does anyone care enough to know why?

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*not me*
I think my mind is playing tricks on me, my clothes feel looser on me today than they did yesterday.

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*not me*
I’ve been very cold all day long and not eaten very much. I hope that this will help me lose weight

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Drinking water on an empty stomach just makes me feel hungry for some reason

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But sadly, today i will not recover.

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I’m just below a healthy bmi but i’m still a fat cunt

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*not me*
My new lax are also making me very nauseous so i couldn’t even finish a third of my morning coffee and i threw up half of my supper last night. Maybe it is good that this will keep me from eating.

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What reason could there possibly be to not hate me?

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*not me*
I have this problem where if i know somebody i care about is losing sleep or not eating or something of the like, i will forcefully make myself lose sleep and fast even longer to try to i guess understand what they’re going through
Or maybe to make it so they’re not suffering alone.

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Day 7; fear foods
These are just some of them and i probably could come up with even more.
All of these things are things i love and ate a lot of (whilst enjoying it) before my ED
Now, i still enjoy them but it literally kills me inside to have them
My mum’s chicken alfredo
Cake/cupcakes/baked goods
Anything with noodles in it in general tbh
Sandwhiches/stuff with bread
Hotdogs/burgers
Pizza
Fries of any kind
Chicken (or really any meat in general)

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+not me+
I was with my boyfriend this weekend
He told me i’m so thin it scares him and that he really wants me to gain weight.

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I always look pregnant even when i know it’s impossible for me to be anything but disgusting and fat

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Day 6
Literally all of them

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I don’t exercise every day bc i’m often too busy, too lazy, too tired and or i don’t want to build muscle bc that will make me gain weight.

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Late day 4

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I want to be thin so i will be beautiful

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I think that if i were to open up to my parents about what’s really going on with me, it would be my dad that i opened up to. He’s the only one who seems to actually care about the family and i have at least a little hope that he wouldn’t just somehow gaslight me and get mad at me for something i cannot control like my mum would if i told her

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Based on the body checks i just posted, would you believe that i have an ED?

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I threw out a sandwhich my dad brought all the way to my morning job because i didn’t want to break my fast and here i am three weeks later feeling guilty about it.

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Day 2
I want to be tiny enough that people notice something is wrong with me

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🔪🔪🔪🔪

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*body check i guess*
Gotta figure out a way to get rid of all this fat on my thighs

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Among other annoying comments i’ve gotten when people actually notice me struggling with my ED.

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Day 1 current height and weight

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Aaaand last but not least;
ANXIETY!!
Like my post about depression, this isn’t how i came to the conclusion that i have a certain disorder and am now self diagnosed with it, it’s about how i highly suspect that if i were clinically tested (something i am not in a position to have done right now) i would be diagnosed.
For pretty much all my life, i have felt constant nervousness.
Afraid that the other kids on the playground wouldn’t want to play with me. Worry that a kid who’s parent dressed them would think the outfit i picked for myself was silly. Worry that the books i was enjoying reading would seem nonsensical to someone else. Worry that still playing pretend and roleplaying when i was 12 and 13 would freak people out and they wouldn’t want to spend time with me anymore. Holding my breath before and after ordering food because i don’t want to mess up or offend anyone. Not voicing my opinion because i don’t want people to be angry with me. Not talking at all because i don’t want people to look at me. Not going out to parties with my friends because i won’t already know everyone. Not being able to make eye contact with customers at work, especially those taller than i am. Crying when anyone raises their voice towards me. Constantly asking people if they are mad at me. Constantly asking if i am bothering my friends. Constantly trying to make sure my friends are happy and catering to their every need even if it means letting myself become a doormat. Worrying about things that will have no effect on me whatsoever. Worrying about things i know full well will turn out completely fine. Constantly being plagued with the thought of ‘what if?’
For years.
My whole life, practically, i have struggled. But i am not self diagnosed.

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