Kernel The Great

DOB 7/15/16, 145lbs ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿผ| clumsy lap cow ๐Ÿฎ| service dog x canine good citizen in-training ๐Ÿ˜‡| boston ๐ŸŒ‡| @alyssabphotography ๐Ÿ™‹๐Ÿป| alyssa@alyssabphoto.com ๐Ÿ’Œ

http://alyssabphoto.com/

200 posts 48,736 followers 169 following

I TELL THE TRUTH LIKE FATHER FORGIVE ME, THESE ARE ALL MY CONFESSIONS, MAN THIS WASNโ€™T LUCK IT WAS DESTINED @bigsean โœจ๐Ÿ’‹#StoriesOfTheWeek #PickedByYou #CallMeThaNuttyProfessor #FlapstickKomedy #K90xWorkout #DerpKing

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YOU ALWAYS WAS COMMITTED, TELL ME HOW YA DID IT? THEREโ€™S NO WAY I CAN PAY YOU BACK, BUT MY PLAN IS TO SHOW YOU THAT I UNDERSTAND #YouAreAppreciated -2Pac๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโค๏ธ GUESS WHAT Iโ€™M LISTENING TO/WATCHING? I REVEAL IT AT THE END! ๐Ÿค— #3WholeDays #FeltLikeFurever #AmericasAngel #KingKerng #WorldsBestHeadTilt

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STAY FAR FROM TIMID, ONLY MAKE MOVES WHEN YOUR HEARTโ€™S IN IT, AND LIVE THE PHRASE โ€œSKYโ€™S THE LIMIT.โ€ โœŒ๐Ÿฟ#RestInPimpBiggie #KeepOnPressingOn #HaveWhatYouWant #BeWhatYouWant ๐Ÿ’œ
Thank you to my original cyber gf @sheepish_addie for this bandana. Iโ€™m excited to show you what it says... soon! #Polygamist #BeMyGirlfriend ๐Ÿ˜

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SAY MY NAME, THEY AINโ€™T KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT SO I PUT IT ON MY CHAIN! @raesremmurd #PerplexingPooches #EveryKissBeginsWith #K ๐Ÿฅ‡๐Ÿ’” DEAR DEVILDIARY, ME SADS. TWO GREAT WEEKEND MORNINGS WITH MOTHER, THEN DITCHED BOTH AFTERNOONS. AGAIN!! APPAWRENTLY, MY INSTA-ANTICS HAVE HELPED HER BOOK MORE PHOTO GIGS! SAY IT AINโ€™T SO!!! ๐Ÿ‘ฟ DONโ€™T WORRY, I BROKE MY CRATE (AGAIN!!) TO PROTEST. ๐Ÿ˜ˆ #ALLLLBYMYYYSAAIIIAALLFF #DontWannaBe #ShamelessMotherLover #LatchKeyKid #BadassMotherFluffer ๐Ÿ’ฅTYSM to @herdingdogdesigns for the silly custom tag! ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿป

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I KNOW THINGS GET HARD BUT GIRL YOU GOT IT, THERE YOU GO! CANโ€™T YOU TELL BY HOW THEY LOOKINโ€™ AT YOU EVERYWHERE YOU GO? WONDERING WHATโ€™S ON YOUR MIND, MOTHER FLUFFAS WANNA WASTE YOUR TIME, ITโ€™S JUST AMAZING GIRL AND ALL I CAN SAY IS #ImSoPawroudOfYou @champagnepapi ๐ŸŽƒ #DedicatedToMother #SweetAsPumpkinPie #HowloweenReady #IKissedAGhoul #AndILikedIt ๐Ÿ‘ป Mega thanks to @blackjaguarwhitetiger for my big feature!! ๐Ÿ˜ป TYSM to @loumagoosworkshop for the adorbs flanndana! And TY for another great feature @outwardhound!!๐Ÿ

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NO IMAGINATION NEEDED CUZ I LIVED IT! THIS AINโ€™T NO FLUFFINโ€™ JOKE, ITโ€™S REAL TO ME, Iโ€™M KERNIE, O.G @icet ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸพREUNITING AFTER MY LONGEST VACATION FROM MOTHER... 72 HOURS!! DEVASTATED THAT Iโ€™M NOT INVITED TO HER PHOTO GIGS AND ALSO THAT I CANโ€™T FIT ON A PLANE ๐Ÿ‘ฟ๐Ÿ˜ฉBUT AT LEAST Iโ€™M GLOBETROTTING ON INSTA! ๐ŸŒŽโœˆ๏ธ#AllRoadsLeadToRoads #FurTheLoveOfDog #LoveCanMoveMountains #ReunitedAndItFeelsSoGood

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@barkbox & @bark REPOST!! ๐Ÿ˜ Iโ€™M BLOWINโ€™ UP LIKE YOU THOUGHT I WOULD, CALL THA CRIB SAME NUMBER SAME HOOD, ITโ€™S ALL GOOD! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿพ#AndIfYaDontKnow #NowYaKnow #DontLetEmHoldYouDown #ReachForTheStars #SpreadLoveItsTheKernieWay #RestInPimpBiggie ๐Ÿ˜TYSM BARKBOX AND BARK FOR THIS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL FEATURE! I AM ONE HUMBLED DINGUS!! #DingusesUnite

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SHE WANT THA DOGGY WITH THA BIGGEST NUTS AND GUESS WHAT? HE IS I AND I AM HIM, SLIM WITH THA TILTED GRIN, WHATโ€™S MY MOTHA FLUFFINโ€™ NAME? KERN DOGGY DOGGGG @snoopdogg #WreckingBalls #KerniesLongAwkwardPuberty #OwnIt ๐Ÿฅœ AFTER DAYS OF PROTESTING, MOTHER FINALLY MOVED THIS MOCKERY AWAY FROM MY GAZEBO, THANK PAWD! I REST MY HEAD HERE AND SHE THINKS IT'S A PLACE TO PLAY GAMES. UGH WHY DOES NOBODY UNDERSTAND MEEEE!!? #BallBuster #TweenAngst ๐Ÿ˜ฉ @popyourpup

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GIRLS ALL OVA, THE KIND I ADORE, FELT LIKE A KID IN A CANDY STORE! THATโ€™S WHEN I SEEN HER, HER NAME WAS BRENDA, HAD THE KINDA BOOTY THAT Iโ€™D ALWAYS REMEMBA! @llcoolj ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿญ #ColonelKernelReportingForBooty #SaluteTheKernel #AndDatAss #AlliWantIsBitchez #BigBootyBitchez๐Ÿ‘

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HOME IS WHEREVER I'M WITH YOU! #ReadThis #PSA #RealLifeTelaNovela #MessageFromMother ๐Ÿ’™ To answer many of your questions, this is how/why me and Kernel work together (besides at my photo gigs). ๐Ÿ˜‡ At 16, I experienced an unimaginably tragic event. I spent my summer across the country doing all I could to save the life of my incredible mom, Lesley (donating platelets every few days, etc). She had flown to a great hospital for a "safe" medical procedure that went awry, and after fighting every second for 68 gruesome days in critical condition, she died. The death rate was 1 in 1000; my mom was the 1. It's still unreal, and I was clinically diagnosed with PTSD afterwards. Several years later, I found joy and healing in my puppy, Kernel. I trained him daily since 13 w/o to be a Canine Good Citizen (steps shown โคต๏ธ) and a therapy dog (TD help others vs. service dog helps handler, planning to still do TD work someday). We practiced service dog tasks too, for fun, but after 2 more big losses this year, I wholeheartedly felt ready and able to officially be a Service Dog team (PTSD is the only qualifying mental disability in itself). Kernel is trained to recognize when I'm in distress and will "ground" me by refocusing my attention via gentle hugs, licks, barks/whines, nudges, leans, cuddles, etc. He regulates my serotonin levels, keeps stressful moments calmer, and soothes me in depressing times. Ultimately, he keeps me at my healthiest and happiest! ๐Ÿ’ฏWhen you see my love for Kernel, know that it's a reflection of how my mom loved me. I only got 16 years with her (by my 17th birthday she was comatose and I pleaded with her not to die that day - she listened), but her love lives forever in my heart and Kernel's. No one deserves to carry on her name more than him. I love you endlessly, Kernel Lesley The Great (and will miss you while at this weekends photo gigs)! Like your grandma, you too, are The One. ๐Ÿฅ‡๐Ÿค— CGC TRAINING:
- Accept a friendly stranger
- Sit politely for petting
- Allow grooming
- Walk w/o pulling
- Walk through crowds
- Sit, down, stay at 20 feet
- Come if called
- Good reaction to other dogs
- Good reaction to distractions
- Accept supervised separation

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ALL I WANT IS LOYALTY, LOYALTY, LOYALTY!!! @kendricklamar ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ˜‚#KerngregationPleaseRise #BallTilTheDayIFall #LongAsMyBitchesLoveMe #KernKountry๐Ÿฅ‡

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STORMING THROUGH THE PAWTY LIKE MY NAME IS EL NIร‘O!! โ›ˆ๐Ÿ’ฆ@sum41 #CowsThatSwim #MoreLifeMoreEverything #SlimeTimeLive #SplashZone
*service dog released from duty

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POLICE BE RUSHIN' WHEN THEY SEE ME, I FLAUNT IT, AMERICA'S MOST WANTED ๐Ÿš“๐Ÿ‘ฎ๐Ÿฟ#CopsOnMyTail #RestInPimp2Pac PERFORMING MY CIVIL DUTY (MAKING PEOPLE SMILE) WITH MY NEW BFF, BOSTON SUPERINTENDENT-IN-CHIEF @bpdchiefgross. NOW IF MOTHER AND ME GET PULLED OVER (AGAIN), WE CAN SCARE THA OPS BY PROVING WE HAVE BADASS CONNECTIONS! LOVE YA CHIEFY!!! #KerniesKrew #DontMess #BigBoiz๐Ÿšจ

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#Discombombulated #BombDiggity #FueledByDynamite #MakeLoveNotWar #ImDaBomb #MeanPeopleSuck ๐Ÿ’ฃ
I'M NOT AFRAID TO TAKE A STAND, EVERYBODY COME TAKE MY HAND, WE'LL WALK THIS ROAD TOGETHER THROUGH THE STORM, WHATEVER WEATHER COLD OR WARM, JUST LETTIN' YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT ALONE, FOLLOW IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOWN THE SAME ROAD. @eminem ๐Ÿ–ค AH, JUST WHO I WANTED TO DESTROY (PER MOTHER'S ORDERS)! CALL IT #MissionPossible, I RIPPED HIS ARM OFF IN 4 MINUTES! #SayonaraSucker ๐Ÿ˜thanks to @igfunny.vids and @naturaldogcompany for the recent features! ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐ŸปTYSM to @omgdogtoys and @pupfluence for this toy

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LOOK UP IN THE SKY IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE, IT'S THE FUNK DR. KERN SMOKIN' BUDDHA ON A TRAIN, HOW HIGH? SO HIGH THAT I COULD KISS THE SKY!! @methodmanofficial ๐ŸŒฟ๐Ÿ’š#TagAToker #FriedDay #WeedThePeople #Its420Somewhere #YupImBlunt #GreenPaw ๐ŸŒณTYSM to @omgdogtoys for the pup J!

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YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE A THING, THE WORLD CAN CHANGE ITS HEART @alessiasmusic #BabyAlienFace #iComeInPeace #BallinSinceABaby #TheyCouldSeeItInMyEye ๐Ÿ‘ฝ๐Ÿ’œ I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SHOW DOG AND MY EARS GOT CROPPED AS A BABY. BUT MOTHER KNEW WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER, AND MY FATE WAS TO BE HER SERVICE DOG, NOT A SHOW DOG. WHEN SHE FINALLY GOT ME AND ONCE THE INCISIONS HEALED, SHE IMMEDIATELY TOOK THE POSTS DOWN. I CRIED AS SHE TOOK OFF THE TAPE. SO DID SHE (AS U KNOW, I PUT ON FANTASTIC PAWRFORMANCES)! MY EARZ WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TAPED EVERY 2WKS FOR 9 MORE MONTHS! WHAT THE FLUFF?! THIS IS A JUDGE FREE ZONE, HOWEVER, EAR CROPPING IS A COSMETIC PROCEDURE THAT IS BANNED IN MANY COUNTRIES! TO EACH THEIR OWN, BUT #KingKernie SAYS "STAY NATURAL IF YOU HAVE THE CHOICE, MAH BETCHES!!" ๐Ÿฝ

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OOOH I'M A REBEL JUST FOR KICKS NOW! @portugaltheman
#BadassMotherPupper #BadIsTheNewGood #MillionDollarThmile #ExtraLuvLifestyle ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ Thanks for nothing @nike and thanks again for the me socks @mypetcanva and @cotton_blossom_studio for the Red Sox collar!

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MUCH SUCCESS TO YOU EVEN IF YOU WISH ME THE OPPOSITE, SOONER OR LATER WE'LL ALL SEE WHO THE PROPHET IS! @nas #LetYourFreakFlagFly #FloofusDoofus #TooMuchChompagne๐Ÿฅ‚๐Ÿ’ฅMY NEW FAVE SHOW TO PERFORM IS THE "PEG LEG COW!" I TAKE OCCASIONAL BREAKS TO BOND WITH MY OTHER XXL RED SNAKE #NoShame ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜œTYSM to @outwardhound for the toy $WAGBOX!! #Wipeout #EpicFail

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EVERYONE WHO DOUBTED ME IS ASKIN' FOR FURGIVENESS, IF YOU AIN'T BEEN A PART OF IT AT LEAST YOU GOT TO WITNESS! @champagnepapi #BowDownBitches #Flaptastic ๐Ÿ™ƒโ˜๐ŸฟTYSM to @glass.pets for this glasstwin! He resides in great-nana's kitchen window so she can always see dis sunny face! ๐ŸŒžRed Sox necklace courtesy of @cotton_blossom_studio โšพ๏ธ

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I'D LIKE TO SEND A SHOUTOUT TO THE WHOLE WORLD, KEEP ON DOIN' THAT KERNIE DANCE AND TO THE LADIES, PEACE AND KERNIENESS FOREVA! @humptyfunk๐Ÿ•บ๐Ÿผ๐ŸŒŽTYSM TO @mypetcanva FOR THE ME SOCKS! THEY MADE ME SO HAPPY THAT I DID MY BUCKING BRONCO! ๐Ÿ˜I AM NOT A BASIC BITCH BUT I LOVE BLUE BASICS BY @bluebuffalo! I WAS REWARDED WITH THEIR ๐ŸฆƒGOODNESS FOR THIS STARRING ROLE #thanksgivinginseptember #nom

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KERN IS THE NAME, GREAT-PAPA DID THE CHAIN! @asapferg #GreatGrandDane #NanasNugget #PapasPrince #SquishMyCheeks #ThenInsertTreats โ›“GREAT-PAPA BECAME MY ANGEL IN JULY, BUT HIS MEMORY LIVES ON IN MY NEW LEASH. IT'S A REPURPOSED CAMERA STRAP THAT HE HANDMADE FOR MOTHER WHEN HE WAS 90! PERFECT TO MATCH MY NEW RED SOX COLLAR FROM @cotton_blossom_studio โšพ๏ธ TYSM TO @sarcastic_tendencies @cuddleclones and @outwardhound for the features!! ๐Ÿ˜Thanks again to @modstraps for the terrific new camera straps and $WAG!! ๐Ÿ“ธ

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โš ๏ธ#RatedX #DontCallMeVaginaFace โš ๏ธKERNIE KEEP IT JUMPIN' LIKE KANGAROOZ! -outkastโ˜๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ˜œ TYSM TO @pupjoy FOR THE $WAGBOX!! IT MADE ME SO EXCITED THAT MOTHER HAD TO EDIT OUT THE REDBONE I GOT FOR THE RED BONE ๐Ÿ™ˆ#LifeIsHard #MyWienerIsToo #DontTesteMe #HeyRedSox #NeedABallBoy? (And on that note, how famous must I be before I can throw out the ceremonial first pitch!?) โšพ๏ธโšพ๏ธ @redsox

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IF BEING FRESH TO DEATH IS A CRIME I THINK IT'S TIME FOR ME TO SEE THE JURY @chamillionaire #LifeGuardOnDuty #GroceryLinesSuck #ButIDont ๐Ÿ›’๐Ÿ”ฅDEAR DIARY, ROYAL BUMMAH. A QUICK FLIP THROUGH THE TABLOIDS AND I FOUND NO ARTICLES ABOUT ME ๐Ÿ˜ฃ#OhTheHumanity #KernelKerndashian #PupAndComing

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NOBODY DO IT LIKE WE DO IT SO SHOW US SOME LOVE!! @50cent ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’‹WHO DO U GREET LIKE THERE'S NO MOFLUFFIN' TOMORROW? Tag 'em below!!๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฟ#bffaeae #brosbeforehoes

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(Swipe right! ๐Ÿ˜‡) WOKE UP TO DOGGIES SOUNDIN' LIKE ME, WOKE UP TO DOGGIES BARKIN' LIKE ME, OH I THINK THEY LIKE ME! YEAH THEY LIKE ME!! @playboicarti @liluzivert ๐Ÿ˜Thank you soo much to @cuddleclones for this amazing mini-me! Besides my concern over his missing manpackage, we're identical, inseparable twins!! ๐Ÿ˜‚

Catch me on @pupflix and @outwardhound today! Or jus "cach me ousside how bout dat?" ๐Ÿ˜ .
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#brosbeforehoes #twins #twinboys #twinnies #twinsofinstagram #twinbrother #harlequin #harlequingreatdane #brotherlylove #brothersforlife #brotherhood

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ALL I DO IS ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM NO MATTER WHAT, GOT ZOOMIN' ON MY MIND I CAN NEVER ZOOM ENOUGH ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ’จ #professionalzoomer #babypsychopath
DEAR DIARY, FEELING ACCOMPLISHED! ONE MONTH IN MY NEW APT AND I GOT MY FIRST NOISE COMPLAINT!! ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ•บ๐Ÿผ#poundingperformance #fullthrottle #cantstopwontstop #dancingdane

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I'M LIVIN' LIFE RIGHT NOW MAN AND THAT'S WHAT IMMA DO TIL IT'S OVER, BUT IT'S FAR FROM OVER. @champagnepapi #MuddyAndManiacal ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ–คDEAR DIARY, DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF. I FINALLY PEED ON A BABY'S STROLLER BUT I MISSED THE BABY. MY PAW EYE COORDINATION IS APPAWLLING! ๐Ÿ‘ฟ #FurreakOfNature #KernieTheEntertainer

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#LICKMYHOSE #OHHHH ๐Ÿ˜›YOU GOT ME SO HYPNOTIZED THE WAY YOUR BODY ROLLIN' ROUND AND ROUND, FLABBIES KEEP BUMPIN' JOWLS JUST BOUNCIN' UP AND DOWN @akon ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฟ #KonvictKernie #WiggleWarrior #FlapsAndSlaps

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ALL I KNOW IS HOW TO KEEP IT SUPER CLEAR!! @fatjoe ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’™#PostSinkDrink #TwistedLikeTieDye
#ImBringingSexyBack #JiggleJowls

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MY MOM MY ERRYTHING I TREAT HER LIKE A TROPHY @sobxrbeofficial ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ†#legsfurdaze #igotplentyoftraffic #noneedforwaze๐Ÿšฆ
Collar by @cotton_blossom_studio ๐Ÿ’œ

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